I thought things were fine, why didn't he call me back??

There could be many reasons why you were not called back. Sometimes it can be a simple reason and sometimes not. Some women will say to a man, "If you aren't feeling me, just tell me and it will be OK". This can be true sometimes, but more often than not its just NOT enough to be that straight forward.

Men by nature are creatures of habit and we operate off of conditioned responses. If a man isn't feeling you he can say, "You are a very nice person and we had a good time, but I don't think its going to work between us. I don't think we should talk anymore." At that point the man wants to get off of the phone and move on. The reason why this isn't commonly practiced is because on the other end of the phone this information is not easily accepted.

Some women need closure and they also need to ask questions about WHY they weren't the one for you...etc...etc..etc. This type of Q&A session is like kryptonite to a man who is already DONE dealing with you.

So the conditioned response for a man is that if most women I meet and at some point don't want to deal with want the WHY??, then I'd rather not deal with it by not calling. After a while they will get the hint and stop looking for the closure. If woman # 1-20 did it why would YOU be different.

Some women will say, well I don't give a damn about the closure, he was just rude by not calling. If we assume you want the closure then we'll take "rude" all day to have piece of mind and SILENCE.

It's a hard pill to swallow for both men and women when we find out that the person that we really like doesn't like us in the same way. Unfortunately, its a reality for most of us on this planet. We have to know this and deal with it accordingly.

EGO vs. NECESSITY: inside the mind of a game player

EGO vs. NECESSITY

This blog is about what goes through a game players mind. What drives him/her to do what they do. You can simplify that drive into two categories; EGO and NECESSITY. I will break down the two for clarification so that by the conclusion you will know better how to arm yourself in the future.

EGO

This is the most common motivator among players. The male ego is a powerful thing. Most say we are hunters by nature when it comes to women and the conquest or the hunger for fresh meat never dies. Well, in part that is true. A lot of women are guilty of this as well.

Some will do it for the conquest, to come up against a challenge and emerge victorious. It's a battle from day one...my wits against yours and as men we assume that we are more powerful because we tend to be less emotional by nature. Every word that comes out of your mouth is analysed so that his/her team can win. Things like "I'm tired of being hurt by men", "I'm just looking for a good man", "I'm lonely", etc. The player will take that information, process it and become the opposite of what is making you unhappy. Most players will play you by "FEEL". If I feel like you want a nice guy, then I will be that based on what you say. If I feel like you need a little more edge, then I will provide that because I know that once your defenses are down the game is over. I will call the shots from that point on. Even the strongest of defenses have a crack in them. It just takes the right combination or recipe of things to get through the crack. Unless you have sworn off the opposite sex completely until you die, THERE IS A CRACK!!! The conquest player does it for the numbers or the challenge. Either way it's about feeding the ego. There is no long term result here because that will never be the goal here. The goal is to get in and get out and be on the winning team.

The key point here is that most things that a player will want to conquer are time sensitive. Most players will not want to work too long to achieve his/her goal. So on the flip side of that, if you don't make them work...the easier and quicker it is for them to win the game. Some will do it just to get a certain thing from you and others will do it just because they can, but the common denominator here is that they all are doing it to serve their own ego.

NECESSITY

The other type of player does what he/she does because they are lacking something somewhere else in their life. The goal here is to get that missing piece without sacrificing the other parts of your life. This is where the majority of cheaters live. The majority of these types of players are already in relationships. Some will do it for both ego and necessity, but most do it because they want something they don't have currently. For example, if I'm not getting enough affection at home, when I meet you that's all I'm gonna gravitate towards. Everything else about you doesn't really concern me. We may do some things together, but it's not my ultimate goal to be with you long term or make any type of committment to you. At least not a REAL one. If I feel like I'm not getting enough sex, my goal is to get it from where ever I can. In this case my goal isn't to conquer you, it's just to fulfill my need at the time. I don't want to go through the motions of trying to figure out ANYTHING about you.

If you indeed fulfill my need to my satisfaction, our interaction my last for years. You in turn have to know that the person being played most certainly will not have the other qualities that the player needs in order to make a commitment. This is why the necessity is a form of being played because ultimately the need is attained and then a break has to be made at the expense of the other persons feelings/time. Sometimes the necessity is the person needs a place to live or transportation. So the goal would be to weasel your way into someone's life that has those things.

CONCLUSION

If you break down all of the ways you have been played or someone you know, it will more than likely fall into one of these two broad categories. In each category there are thousands of different ways that it can come at you. I could never put it all into a pretty box with a bow for you. You always here the phrase "Actions speak louder than words"....well as long as he/she is telling you what you want to hear, make sure they are doing what you need them to do as well. Slick talk always has a shelf life if YOU stick to your guns. It will only last as long as you allow it to. Your first instinct is normally the right one so follow it. Your happiness is worth way more than the chances you give to someone who isn't cutting it.

The only way to minimize being PLAYED!!

I'm writing this blog because I hear so many people say things like the following"

1. "I know all the game out there and nobody is gonna play me"

2. "I'm tired of getting played by men and I don't know what I'm doing wrong"

These are two statements that drive me crazy when I hear it from women and I share this with you because I've been the good guy and the bad guy at different points in my life. So this isn't about what I've heard, it's about what I lived.

Players are only good if you showcase your weakness. I'm no going to get into what those weaknesses normally are in this post, but generally you have to give them nothing to latch onto. One who says they know all the game out there is a fool. If that person exists on this planet, I would love to meet them. GAME is created daily and as often as websites are created. If I asked you to do research on how many websites are created every day, you would be overwhelmed by the number. You wouldn't be able to keep up with it. The same applies to game. You can't control how it comes to you because it has so many different varieties and flavors. The only thing that you can control is YOU because to be able to prepare for the limitless game out there is futile.

You can only minimize being played by maximizing what you will and will not deal with. Learn yourself inside and out. Know what you need to add to your happiness. Requirement number one is to be happy BEFORE you date him. So if something does go wrong, your happiness is still in tact.

The goal of any player is to be able to control the situation. If you take over the control, he/she has no power. When you relax your standards, you relinquish your control. The enemy of any player is WORK. If I have to work really hard to get you, I lose out on time that I can be dealing with something new. Whatever your fear of being played for..whether its your body, your money, your time, etc. You have to make that your first defense. Never make it easy for him/her to attain that initially. A person worth their salt and is really interested in you will stick around and work for what they get.

Is this foolproof....NO. Because the most powerful player in the world is one that has mastered the art of faking sincerity. It will, however, allow you to make wiser choices in the future. The key is to always be about making forward progress.

Is traditional dating/courting a myth in the present day?

Dating in the traditional sense is not a myth and is definitely not dead. Its just no longer a requirement in a lot of circles of men and women. I talk to women all the time about this very topic and the number one question is "Why doesn't he want to take me out?".

To understand why men don't have the desire or the need to plan dates, take you out, etc., you have have to understand the way a man's mind works. We are programmed to do what has worked before and if we need to alter it we will do it out of necessity. For example, if I dated ten women and they all liked their hand rubbed, when I meet you the first thing I'm gonna try is to rub your hand. The same applies with this topic to a certain extent. To understand why the man reacts this way you have to understand the other side as well.

Over time a lot of women have dealt with men that did not treat them well, wasn't right for them, didn't meet their standards...etc. So you choose not to deal with them. The unfortunate result or side effect of that is that your are alone. No matter how cocky or independent you are as a woman, sometimes you will get lonely. So out of need, sometimes you relax your standards just to fulfill that desire for companionship. In most cases that means settling for less because the dating pool is so shallow based on your experiences.

Now with the lowered standards instead of requiring that a man take you out in order to take steps to get to know you, you settle for the "You can come over to my house and watch DVD's" man. When you say yes to this, you now have set the standard for what you will receive later. Using the point that I illustrated earlier in the blog, the male side of this should become pretty clear. If I run into 20 women that accept me not courting them or taking them on dates....guess what??? When I meet you, I have to assume that you might want the same.

When the man approaches you with that, YOU as the person responsible for your ultimate happiness owe it to yourself to shut him down. If you let your desire for companionship overshadow what you know you need from him, you will always receive less than favorable results in the end. Sure you can go chill with a guy at his house and watch movies, but if this is how he courts you from day one, don't be surprised if a date doesn't follow.

The ultimate answer to the question ""Is dating a myth?" is NO, but it can be if we allow it to be. If we demand more, we will receive more, and if we don't receive it we have to learn to be happy without it. Settling should never be an option.

YOU ARE THE MASTER BUILDER!!!

If you were an architect/civil engineer and you had to design and build a very tall building. You would have to take into account how many people and/or things that it could accomodate. You would have to make it able to withstand the elements and any external dangers. If this building were destroyed by a hurricane or some other natural disaster, it is your job to assess the damage and figure out how to rebuild it. This time you have to make it better than before; stronger on the outside, but still able to be accomodating on the inside.

This building represents your heart. Only YOU have the power and the knowledge to rebuild it . Only YOU know what it's made of and how it works. Make it strong but still open enough to accomodate someone other than yourself.

THE KEY

A woman should look at a man like she does a meal. You don't want too much of any ONE thing. You need a well balanced meal in order to nurish yourself.

A woman typically needs a man that is affectionate, caring, kind, considerate, loving, intelligent, funny, creative, etc, etc. BUT she also needs a confident, self-assured, sometimes aggressive, got your back, decision maker, protector, etc. as well.

The KEY is THIS: It's not just enough for a man to possess these qualities, he has to take the time to learn his woman well enough to know which of these she needs and WHEN.

RECOGNIZE GAME!!!

This is an excersise I came up with to illustrate how we let things get by us in order to get what we THINK that we want.

1. Put your hand in front of your face and spread your fingers.

2. Close one eye and look between two of the fingers and focus on an object in the room.

What you will soon notice is that the fingers get blurry and the object becomes clearer to you. This is how most of us approach relationships. We focus on what we want and the BS that is right in front of our faces becomes blurry. It never went anywhere it was always in clear view.